Church of Chainsaw

Green Gym

Now open in the Stillwater Lake area is the new concept, green gym. Under the training of a professional instructor with forty-five years of experience, is an environmentally ‘green’ gym. For a very low cost, you will receive an aerobic workout using all environmentally safe materials. Workouts can be planned for every body type and time interval available.
Simply make an appointment with the instructor, show up with your training/safety equipment and our professional instructor will show you to our weights (logs) that you will carry out to his waiting truck. You can time your travel route or go for maximum loads or reps – the instructor will guide you though the process. You can run with your log, jog or walk – not a problem – just return and get some more!
The air in the gym is extraordinary; the scenery improves with each log loaded on the truck. Did we mention green? All materials are made from environmentally safe materials; even the lighting system is green!
Low cost, YES! Green gym will charge you only half what you paid before at Nubody’s or Curves!

After you have completed your workout and it’s time to cool off – just go jump in the lake. (Clothes optional for some.)

Additional rules – the instructor reserves the right to confiscate any cigarettes found in patrons possession.

Advanced Training – Advanced students and small groups may benefit from ‘Power Splitting’ personalized sessions. These workshops, normally arranged for the weekend, the student will learn to split wood and stack wood. Weekend costs $65 per weekend. There are sessions in safety, hydraulics, speed stacking and cleanup.

Apply for a quote to Doug Frizzle, The Green Gym!

(Franchises Available)

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Ten Commandments of the Church of Chainsaw

1. The woods can always benefit from a cleaning.
2. Clearcutting in small doses is good.
3. Different soils produce different trees.
4. Protect yourself first.
5. A good chainsaw is a good investment.
6. Many hands make for light work.
7. Alcohol shall never touch our lips – while we are working.
8. After work, always play.
9. More toys make for easier work.
10. Never sleep in unless you have consumed too much.

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The Forest Prayer

Our forest who is like heaven,
forever be thy green.
Your stand shall grow
‘till time to make you go.

Give us some heat
And forgive us our cutting
And we shall forget our sweat
And enjoy your beauty.

Amen

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The Church of the Chainsaw

It seems that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of different religions. It has been said that more people change religions than get divorces – and there are a lot of the latter. Our disciples found that being out with nature was going to the temple. Being in the temple, the Lord’s work should be done, to honor that nature, to improve on the image. Blowdown and debris are natural, but in excess they prohibit the use of the forest by humans and by animals. The forest is a vibrant, varied and growing organism, the work on our part is to use this natural temple to cultivate and grow ourselves.
We behold this temple to be as real as any church or religious building. We know the spirit dwells here with a multitude of our fellow beings. This is as real a religion as any other in this world.